Take Heart Counseling & Equine Assisted Therapy
If you’ve been searching for anxiety therapy, depression support, trauma healing, or help for low self-worth — and you landed here — you’re in exactly the right place. Because underneath so much of what drives us to search for those things, there is often one word we rarely say out loud: shame. This story comes from a culmination individuals carrying it for a lifetime, and what it felt like to finally put it down.
Since grade school, I always struggled with not feeling good enough in some capacity. I was good at school, but not as smart as my friend. She got better grades than me even though we studied together and it was hard not to compare. I wasn’t pretty enough. I was friends with all the guys, but never had a boyfriend because I wasn’t pretty like the other girls. I wasn’t cool enough to hang out with the cool kids. I wasn’t girly enough because I didn’t use make-up or do my nails. I didn’t try out for sports or for the school play because I didn’t want to be seen as not good enough if I didn’t make it.
My parents were great Christians and active in the Church. But, behind closed doors, there was a lot of fighting and Dad would leave for several days at a time. When our Christian friends came over, we never spoke of the fighting that had just happened the day before. I knew deep down, if only I was a better daughter; they wouldn’t be fighting as much.
I was proud of my decision to commute to community college to save some money and get some general classes out of the way, until I realized all my friends went to a 4-year college, and I missed out on all of those experiences. I finally found a guy that I thought loved me and cared for me, but he raped me at a party and never spoke to me again. I didn’t tell the police because it was probably my fault anyways, I wasn’t strong enough to fight him off. I wasn’t clear enough when I told him “No”. I was drinking, anyways. After that, I knew no man would want to be with me because I was too broken.
When I was promoted at my job, I didn’t deserve it because I didn’t have enough experience and I was too young. I had to be careful of how I communicated at work because I am “an expressive female”. I wasn’t direct enough in my communication at work, but was also too direct when people didn’t like what I had to say. I was too outspoken about my opinions. I waited for people to ask me to hang out because I didn’t want to be rejected. I wasn’t a good enough Christian. I wasn’t a good enough sister. I wasn’t a good girlfriend because my boyfriend was addicted to heroin and overdosed, and I didn’t stop it.
When I made a mistake at work it’s because I wasn’t a good enough supervisor. When I was laid off from my job, I wasn’t a good enough worker for them to keep me on. I apologized for everything. When I set boundaries, I wasn’t considerate enough of other people. When I moved back home, I wasn’t strong enough to handle living on my own.
To me, these weren’t just my feelings; these were my reality.
It took me until relatively recently to really understand that I struggled with shame.
Ewwww — what a gross word that is. Shame. No one likes to talk about it, but we all experience it.
In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown says it so perfectly: “We all have it. Shame is universal and one of the most primitive human emotions we experience. The only people who don’t experience shame lack the capacity for empathy and human connection… To feel shame is to be human.” She defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” In his book The Soul of Shame, Curt Thompson says that “shame is the emotional weapon that evil uses to corrupt our relationships with God and each other, and disintegrate any and all gifts of vocational vision and creativity.” Shame is a valid emotion… but it certainly is not a helpful one.
What I didn’t fully understand at the time was how much my shame was driving everything else. The anxiety I felt walking into a room full of people. The low-grade depression that settled in after years of believing I wasn’t enough. The people-pleasing, the over-apologizing, the inability to set a boundary without feeling like a terrible person. I had gone looking for help with anxiety and depression for years — not realizing that shame was the engine underneath all of it. If any of that sounds familiar, keep reading.
You’re probably wondering where the horses come into play. Don’t worry, I am getting there!
Shame is healed when you can tell your story in a safe place. Keeping your story in the darkness and hiding it from others only allows the shame around it to grow. Brené Brown says shame grows out of control with secrecy, silence, and judgment. Our inclination is to hide it and put on a false smile. Fake it til you make it, right?
Working with horses in equine therapy sessions freed me from the weight of not feeling good enough, even for just a few moments. Noble didn’t care that I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough. Noble saw me for who I was on the inside. He also forced me to be honest. I couldn’t hide behind all the facades that I put on for everyone else. I had to be honest with him and honest with myself.
I realized that, at my core, I was scared of being unlovable. I was scared that if people knew the real me, they wouldn’t actually love me. I believed that everything that happened to me or because of me was a direct reflection of who I am as a person. In actuality, none of it was my fault. I had nothing to be ashamed of.
My compassionate counselor continued to gently push me out of my comfort zone and go deeper. The more I was honest with myself, the more the walls came down. I was vulnerable and exposed and I hated it. It went against everything I thought I knew. Who would like this authentic version of me?
But guess what? Noble accepted me in that vulnerable state. With everything stripped away, he loved me for me. It was in that moment that I was able to start to put the pieces back together. I started to see that I am enough; I am worthy of love.
I didn’t realize until actually experiencing it, just how much I needed to experience that unconditional love. I wouldn’t have believed it had it come from just my counselor; she could have been lying. But horses don’t lie. Noble was able to just stay with me and be present and caring in each session: nudging me when I needed called back to the present; calling me out on inauthenticity by walking away; carrying me gently and carefully when I needed that support through riding.
Don’t get me wrong, it took a lot of work to shake off a lifetime of shame. It was not an easy or quick fix. I also needed a lot of tough love along the way. I slipped up, and I still slip up. But I had Noble to walk alongside me through each step and stumble.
For those of us who have experienced trauma — whether that’s sexual assault, loss, or the slower, quieter trauma of growing up feeling like we were never quite enough — healing doesn’t always happen in a traditional therapy office. Sometimes it happens in a paddock, with a thousand-pound animal who has no agenda except honesty. Equine assisted therapy gave me a way to process trauma and shame that talk therapy alone hadn’t been able to reach.
I have found such freedom in being ME! I don’t have to hide anymore. My relationships are so much deeper now. People see the real me and love the real me. I love the real me! I live authentically and unashamedly. And when shame does creep up on me, I can look it straight in the face. I know how to recognize and deal with it. I ask friends to help me challenge it. I don’t compare myself to others anymore because I know that I am enough just the way I am. I don’t get stuck in overthinking… most of the time. I KNOW, in a deep way, that I am worthy of love and that I belong. I know that I am allowed to make mistakes and that I am capable of making things right. I forgive myself for the mistakes I have made and don’t beat myself up. I don’t have to live in secrecy anymore. I can share my story with others, and have found that I am not alone — not even close. So many others have struggled with the same feelings as me. And my story has even encouraged others to seek healing. I look forward to my future, instead of dwelling on the past.
Working with horses changed my life and gave me the kind of freedom I didn’t even realize I was missing.
The anxiety that used to follow me everywhere — into meetings, into relationships, into my own head at 2am — has lost most of its grip. The depression that came from years of carrying stories that were never mine to carry has lifted. I stopped people-pleasing not because someone told me to, but because I finally believed I was allowed to take up space. That kind of change doesn’t come from a quick fix. It came from doing the deep work, with the right support, in a place that felt genuinely safe.
Whether you’ve been searching for help with anxiety, depression, low self-worth, trauma, or people-pleasing — or whether shame is the word that’s been quietly following you around for years — you don’t have to keep carrying it alone. Healing is possible. We’ve seen it, and we’ve lived it.
Does this story sound familiar? Do you want to be freed from the weight of shame and not feeling good enough?
At Take Heart Counseling & Equine Assisted Therapy in Wernersville, PA, we offer counseling (yes, we have offices too) and equine assisted therapy for adults, teens, and children in Berks County and across Pennsylvania who are ready to heal. Reach out for a free 15-minute consultation with someone who has been there and gets it.
At Take Heart Counseling, we’ve seen how meaningful progress can come from starting in calm, quiet spaces. For many families, this gentle approach helps children feel safer, more focused, and less overwhelmed. Wondering whether equine-assisted psychotherapy could support your child’s emotional growth? We’d be glad to talk through what might work best. Let’s find the right path together and start a conversation.
